Fear in Writing: A piece of my writing

Today in Literary History

Today in Literary History...December 14, 1907: Rudyard Kipling receives the Nobel prize for literature, the first English-language writer to do so.ud

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A piece of my writing

Finally getting around to sharing a bit of my writing. This is not from my current WIP. Enjoy. Any comment or criticism is welcome.

Somewhere over the Pacific a Boeing 747 carrying disaster is hurtling my way.
I don’t mean terrorists and their bombs.
I mean my future wife.
Let’s forgo the obvious question and accept the forthcoming marriage as fact. And if said marriage is inevitable and future wife is headed my way at 560 miles per hour with an arrival time of nine o’clock tonight, I have to do something about the body in my living room.
The body is dead, so asking it to move is out of the question.
The body was killed against its wishes, so simply calling the police to remove said body is also not a possibility.
Thirdly, the one who made this body dead (i.e. the “killer”) is very precious to me and should be protected at all costs. And this would not be assured if my future wife arrived at her future home to find her future carpet soaked in blood.
There is a lot of blood.
I am a park ranger. I see dead animals from time to time and the occasional bloody carcass feeding a group of vultures. But a human body is totally different. And the blood…
My closest friend Jenna sits on my couch. Any blood not in the body or on the carpet can be found on Jenna. She is said “killer.”
She is not a killer. It is not in her DNA to take life for sport of pleasure. She just happens to be the killer of this dead body.
I won’t muddle your thoughts with details about the so-called victim right now. The important thing is to find a way to clear my home of death in the next four hours.
“I stabbed him, Paul,” Jenna says.
“I get that, Jenna. I really do. It’s the seven other times you plunged the knife in I don’t get. Didn’t the first time do the trick?”
She is staring at the body again. Her eyes aren’t numb or unfocused the way I’d expect, but thoughtful.
“Will he be missed, you think?” she asks.
“It would help if you told me who ‘he’ is. Was.”
It’s been thirty minutes since I walked in my front door to this sight: Jenna standing over the body, blood spattered on her and soaking completely the victim’s torso. On the last thrust she hadn’t bothered to remove the knife, so it stands there still, like the handle of a dolly, convenient for transport. The beige carpet is now rust-colored, and blood is drying in streaks on my sofa where Jenna keeps moving around.
I really thought she’d be paralyzed by the situation.
“We have to move him, Paul. Do you have some old sheets? Or tarp? We could take him out to the forest, you know it so well. Surely there’s a good spot?” Now her eyes are pleading.
“You want me to help you move a body you stabbed eight times in my house, to a place where I work and would have to walk by every day? Not to mention it’s my duty to protect that forest. I mean, bodies are organic and all but I don’t think they’re on the list of approved items for Federal Park property.”
“Dammit, Paul!” Flames erupt behind her eyes and I see a bit of what the dead man must have experienced. Why does she keep saying my name? “You don’t believe me! You think I wanted to kill him? You think I enjoy being covered in blood? Is this really what I need the day Irina arrives?”
And there it is. Irina: my future wife.
But not really.


  1. Oh my, I want more. This great. When do we get "the rest of the story?" If this isn't your current WIP, I can't image what you're working on. So good, more, more ....

  2. Well, thank you. That's really nice of you. I don't know if I'll even do more. Hmmm...What do you think of that? I haven't been over to your blog in a while! Think I'll venture that way!

  3. oh, come on now. Is she really a killer, does she just want to get Paul in trouble with his future bride, who is the victim? So many questions, so many directions it could go.

  4. Hey Michelle! Thanks for stopping by my blog...thought I'd come check you out and become a follower! Anyways.....that is some really good writing! I'd love to read the whole story...I agree with Mason...I want to know the rest!

  5. Mason- And who is the bride?

    Kris- Thank you and welcome!

    I may have to finish it...or at least continue it...

  6. Very cool. Just, very cool. Love the situation you've set up here. Detached and ironic narration. Cool. I wanna read more!

    (Minor quibble: nee means "born" in French. I think you mean "i.e."--short for id est, Latin for "that is")

  7. that's what i meant. thanks for the quibble.

  8. Very good, left me wanting more!

    Great post.

  9. Great job, Michele!

    I think this would be a great opener for a full-length novel.

    Mystery Writing is Murder

  10. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I always appreciate new readers.

    So, I really like this. Usually, I prefer third person, but you pull off the first person so well, I'm impressed. Moved right along, smoothly..nothing jumped out as bad. Great work!

  11. Just wanted to stop by and loved getting to read some of your work! I love the feel of what you've written - the sarcasm and intrigue are great!

  12. It certainly leaves open a lot of questions that need answers.

    The last sentence didn't hook me, though. I thought it would be a teaser about the body, but it seemed to be about Irina.

    Straight From Hel

  13. More, more! This was very good! The mental image created was wonderful!

  14. Sure grabbed my attention, Michele - very nice :)

  15. Kristi- I have heard other readers say they have a preference in POV and I am trying to understand this as I do not. However, I am glad this piece bridges the gap for you. Thanks for stopping by! You'll find we have some things in common, I am from Nashville! I think you gave me my next post topic...

    Karen- Thank you, kindly.

    Kristi- I am trying to find my voice. I write very differently in different pieces. This one came out sarcastically, and I like it, too! Thank you for the encouragement! I owe you a book, and you owe me an address!

    Helen- The best feedback of all is correction and criticism. Thank you. I think some of my journalism training kicked in: when we write packages we end where we begin, tying it all together. Also, I was going for intrigue and surprise. Sort of a "where is she going? what am I missing?" kind of thing. But if it didn't hook you, I will have to rethink that.

    Chasing- Mental images are good. Thanks!

    Jemi- Grabbing attention is also good! Glad you stopped by!

    This is great feedback, and you all only make me a better writer. Your comments and criticism encourage me to keep going and to keep sharing. Thank you.

  16. OMG it's great. Echoing everyone else here-- I want more!

  17. I have nothing but questions and that's how I know you got me. Where will they hide the body, will me marry Irina, who is the dead guy and on and on... Please write more so I can know.
    Warmest regards,
    ps. Pretty please.

  18. Lorel- Thank you for the kind words and encouragement, especially from a fellow writer!

    Simone- I know this is outside your genre, so it means even more to me! Thank you!